This excerpt on the Lavella Journey was most certainly not planned and is hopefully going to be an anomaly, but it didn’t feel right to let this week pass without talking about loss and grief.
Last Sunday, in the middle of the night, we received a call to tell us that a beloved and young family member had unexpectedly lost his life. It’s the sort of news that bounces straight off you at first, then its icy grip creeps up on your heart and crushes it in its evil fist.
As I lost grip on my phone, the cries of pain reverberated around my bedroom as the torrent of tears fell and I struggled to catch my breath.
These moments were undoubtedly the worst of my life to date.
If this had been a year ago, I genuinely believe my anxiety would have taken control of me at this point. Shock and despair normally sends my nerves into overdrive, triggering an almighty panic attack. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t on the very edge of one, and nobody would have blamed me if I had.
But it didn’t come.
The last 12 months has been full of the wildest twists and turns, but since I was introduced to CBD I have found that the storm has been much easier to weather.
The therapeutic properties in this wonderful, natural substance have, every day, given me a sense of calm and wellbeing that has enabled me to tackle the seemingly insignificant tasks that anxiety used to make impossible. However, I don’t think CBD alone was the reason that my inevitable panic attack didn’t come.
I think the fact that I now knew that my anxiety did not control me was the reason that I managed to keep it away, and CBD has had a huge part to play in that.
CBD is NOT a big plaster that you stick on to stop you feeling sad. It’s not going to prevent grief. It’s not going to stop your tears. However, what it has shown me is that peace of mind does exist for us all and can be learned, practised and perfected over time.
I’m sure the coming weeks and months will have many more painful moments in the wake of this disaster, but somehow I feel like I’m going into battle with a secret weapon…
The knowledge that it will not beat me.